you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
