Your face is a jimmy john
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
