I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
