Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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