There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
