i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
