Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
