like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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