things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
