I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
