thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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