You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
youre lurking in front of me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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