She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
