I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
