I look better un-naked...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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