So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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