woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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