Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize