I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
