walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
