Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
