You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
