hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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