I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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