can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
