Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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