I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
