i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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