and she was petting her beer can
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
