it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
