**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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