Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
