At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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