I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
