How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
