All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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