You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
