so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
