I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
