there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
