areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
