I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
