I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im on a boat
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