He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
