My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
