That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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