I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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