I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
love makes seman taste better
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
