I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Randomize
