that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
