I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
