I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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