there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
