You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sober January is a disaster.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
