This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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