margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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