I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
