6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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