Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I met the friendliest cop last night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
