And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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