Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry sharoldking hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

Fav 13 2758 1383
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

Fav 13 3451 900
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

Fav 25 5921 977
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

Fav 36 4061 1174
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

Fav 45 3100 7644
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order

Fav 12 5511 1545
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??

Fav 4 1848 817
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me

Fav 3 1298 535
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(985): View more from Louisiana

So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.

Fav 1 67 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT