So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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