i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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