Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
