please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
