So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
